After reading a cinderella story to my daughter that ended with “and they lived happily ever after”, I found myself asking why do we teach kids this.
Here are 3 things no one tells you
- It’s NOT happily ever after
- Two truths: sometimes its good and sometimes it’s not
- It is continuous effort “ever after”
Your relationship can’t always be happy because humans are not meant to always be happy. Humans were made to mirror what babies do and that is experience a variety emotions (happy, miserable, confused, frustrated, laughing, joyful, sad, and everything in between).
Please remember most of us didn’t have PERFECT parents who modeled perfect relationships. In fact, most of us had wounded parents who had very rocky or unhealthy relationships, where one parent tolerated more than he or she should have or parented us in unhealthy way. The sheer nature of relationships is work.
You will attract a partner into your life to help you GROW, to stretch you, to teach you. Your partner will absolutely, without a doubt, bring up ALL of the wounds, the hurts, and the insecurities you didn’t even know you had. And you will need to use these moments to grow and work on your stuff together.
Your partner will at times annoy you and say the wrong things, it is normal.
We need to normalize TWO truths:
- Sometimes your relationship will be amazing AND sometimes it will suck
- Sometimes you will love your partner AND sometimes you will be annoyed with them
- Sometimes your relationship will feel effortless and sometimes it will feel like a lot of work
Happily ever after is possible “sometimes” and continuous work “ever after” is necessary to keep a healthy relationship alive.
Lets normalize healthy relationships take constant work and effort from BOTH people.